Forever Goodbye

Thanksgiving 2005 was spent with my side of the family in Colorado.  Back in Arkansas, before the trip, Nate found out a litter of English Mastiff puppies would be available in a town outside of Colorado Springs while we were there.  He'd been on the look out for awhile in Arkansas with no avail.  You know when you say, "We are just going to go look at the puppies," with good intention of not purchasing, but then come home with a puppy?  That was us.  She was the cutest puppy I had ever seen.  Also the biggest.  She is 9 weeks old in these photos!  



She could have been a show dog, she was so beautiful. Her daddy was a champion show dog.  He also weighed 200 lbs.   Poor thing was scared to be away from her litter.

  
But, Nate quickly became her security.  This picture tells it all.  She loved him the most. 

Trixie was our first love.  We bought a house because of her.  We put up fencing because of her.  We bought a king size bed because of her.

Besides chewing up a pair of eye glasses, lipstick tube, a right foot flip flop, a left foot flip flop, and eating an apple pie, she was a good puppy.  

Here are some of our favorite pictures of her: 

 

 

She used to hide under the crawl space because it was cooler.  She got stuck once and my big 8 month pregnant self had to crawl under the house to get her out.   I forgive her. 

 This has been one of our favorite pictures.  Caboose had to hide under the couch to get some relief from her constant love and attention.  He didn't fit under there for very long. 

She was so beautiful.

She surprised us when we had children.  We all thought she would be too aggressive with the children, but boy did she prove us wrong.  Callie broke her in quickly. 

Trixie quickly became Ellie's dog and never stopped.  Ellie loved Trixie very hard.  

 And she had to be Trixie for Halloween. 

And "Trixie" was Toby's first word.  Toby had Trixie wrapped around his finger, especially when that finger had food on it. 

Today, we said our forever goodbye.  It has been so hard.  She started limping about a month ago and with several vet visits and several kinds of medicines, she continued to get worse.  She whined a lot at night, which helped us decide it was time.  She's the toughest dog ever, and if she is whining, something must be really hurting her.  We/vet concluded that she developed bone cancer, which spreads very quickly.  She started coughing, and that too kept getting worse...another sign that the cancer had spread to other organs.  

It's hard saying goodbye.  I don't think the girls have really comprehended it.  We have prepared them for awhile.  They came with us to the vet and witnessed everything.  At first, I didn't want them there, because I didn't know how they would handle it, but Callie asked to watch, so we let her.  It was nothing scary...just watching her Trixie fall asleep.  She was more concerned about me, since I could not control my crying.  She kept handing me tissues.  

She has asked so many questions about Trixie.  I think she feels like she too should be crying.  She keeps telling me that it is too hard for her to cry.  She is sad about it, but instead of processing the fact that Trixie is dead, she is trying to understand why mommy and daddy are crying so much.  I think she is worried about us. 

Ellie was in her own world while at the vet.  She was pretend cleaning the vet office with clean tissues.  During Ellie's life with Trixie, Ellie cuddled the most with her and loved on her the most.  I think she'll be okay.  She is a pretty matter of the fact kind of girl, and she has a lot of distractions to take her mind off it. 

 Toby won't remember Trixie, but he'll continue to call any other dog, "trixie."  I love that his first word was "trixie."  

We took her home with us (I''m sorry if this picture is disturbing). The girls wrote her notes and drew her pictures to bury with her.  We buried her favorite bones with her too. 

Nate and I dug her grave, which was hard work, but it was also a blessing.  We would have just come home and moped. 

Once we placed her in the hole we each said a prayer to God, thanking him for giving us the perfect dog.  Then we all helped bury her (even Toby).  Callie planted some flowers on the grave, and Ellie watered them.  

We are taking deep breaths.  We tear up quickly.  We will have to get used to not seeing her, hearing her.  I will miss her most during the nights when Nate is working.  I never felt alone or scared when she was with me.  

There are some seen blessings through this hard time.  Callie asked if God was in Trixie's heart and wants to know more about heaven and about having Jesus in her heart.  She's been asking all the right questions lately.  

I'll end this sad post with what I've been telling the girls when they ask if Trixie is okay.  I don't tell them that Trixie is in heaven, because we don't know how that works with animals, but I tell them something very simple, which is that God created Trixie, so God will take care of her.