Times of Peace

Times of peace are times to prepare for battle.

I jotted it down on my college ruled paper, circled it, and put a star by it. 
And I haven't forgotten it.  
You see, the Holy Spirit was moving--moving in me.  

I knew lately my journey with God had been like a road full of hills.  On some travels, I'm working hard, focused, and climbing into scripture.  Other travels, I'm coasting, letting my foot off the gas, just riding along in a daze.  And I've had battles, very hard battles, and I haven't come out from them standing very tall.  

We just studied how Abram had an army already at his use when he was told about his nephew's capture.  Abram was prepared for battle.  He wasn't winging it.  

I have no explanation except the Holy Spirit stirred my heart that morning to take action.  
No one likes to be unprepared.  
I'm one to make lists weeks before a trip and start packing several days before we leave. And I almost always always always over pack, because, you know--just in case. 

And as a parent of small children it is completely unwise to be unprepared.  
Extra diapers.
Band-aids.
Sanitary wipes. 
I even have a travel potty in the car. 
Or even making the girls go potty before grocery shopping is a way to prepare.  
Yes, essential tools to make an outing more pleasant.  

Get ready, I'm about to make some biblical lessons from potty and dirty diaper illustrations. Who knew there were so many? 

As a follower of Jesus, it is completely unwise to be unprepared.  Foolish.  

Because battles do come.  Temptations come.  
Dirty diapers do happen on errands. 
Will I have packed an extra diaper and wipes in my bag?
Will I have packed essential scripture in my heart?

I am not much for resolutions, maybe because I can't think of new year resolutions without thinking of them being broken.  So maybe, instead of making a new year resolutions, let's make a life-time resolution.  I only have one.  

I want to be prepared. 

Mark Stone writes, 
When that something happens, 
when the sirens of life begin to wail, 
what will your children hear you say?

I want them to hear scripture. 
Just as pulling out a diaper and wipes is second nature when a stench reaches the nose, I want speaking scripture to be second nature when the stench of life intrudes.  

I'm on a road to memorize scripture--hiding them in my heart. 
Building an army of Truth.  
The battles are coming, and I'm going to be a battle ready Christ follower. 

Open Your Eyes

Open your eyes, the nurse said.  

I was confused.  We just got to the hospital.  I had been in the room maybe five minutes.  They were supposed to be getting my epidural ready.  I probably would have delivered the baby with no nurse staff present if Nate hadn't rushed out to get them.  

Open your eyes.

I obeyed, and watched my purple-footed baby take her first breaths.

Our baby arrived during a hard season in our lives. She was such an easy baby, but we also had a fourteen month old, and we were at the beginning stages of a "police life" schedule, and I HATED it.  I look back and regret my attitude, and wish I would have let my anger go and find healing in holding and enjoying a newborn.  

Like all seasons, they pass.  The schedule got better, and our Ellie grew into a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.  Our little recessive gene child as we call her sometimes.  Oh, she has blue eyes like me, she expresses quite often. 

She's the most huggable creature alive. 

She'll make anyone feel loved and feel special.  Just ask anyone who has met her.  

She waits until the very last minute to go potty.

She hides under her bed when she's being naughty.  

She likes the color blue. 

She likes frogs. 

This is your firetruck-- and chatters away to a roomful of tall, big firemen about the picture she drew them.  She has no fear of public speaking. 

She bugs her sister like normal, but quite often surprises me with her generosity and cheerful willingness to be second. 

Mommy, shirt and shirt rhyme.  She makes me smile. 

There are so many more memories stored in my heart.  

I love our now becoming dirty blonde hair, blue eyed girl.  


And I'm so glad I opened my eyes up to her four years ago. 

Happy Birthday!

 

Waiting to Decorate

Mommy, what did you say?,  the girl asks after I mutter to myself. 
My eyes fill up with water, 
I shake my head, 
and add more flour to the rolling pin. 
Oh, something really bad, I choke out. 
What mommy? Tell me, mommy. 
I hand the hungry, whiny 18 month old a cracker. 
He giggles. 
Mommy, tell me.
Oh--  I can't get it out. 
Let's cut out the cookies. Remember to place it on the side, not in the middle.  Did you wash your hands?
I want to do a snowman!, the bright blue-eyed girl coos. 
Snowmen
Candy Canes
Stockings
Christmas Trees
Gingerbread men
Star--oops! It clanks onto the floor that hasn't been cleaned in I can't remember. 
Let's get the bigger star, I say softly. 

The Christmas song ends, and the DJ speaks sullenly. 
Eighteen...probably more--
Principal dead--
Five to ten year olds--
My heart aches.  I gaze at my three littles deeply.  The responsible one goes to kindergarten next year. 
If it was my child, could I respond like Job--grieve, yet worship God.  
I doubt myself. 

Mommy, when can we taste the dough? 
Soon, I say.

Let's make a big star cookie, I say.
Yes, let's do the star....I like the star. 
Me too. 

A star will come out of Jacob; 
a scepter will rise out of Israel. 

A star that leads to Jesus.  Jesus who said we will have trouble in this world.  But then gives us the greatest promise that he has overcome the world.  
I hate and love that verse, a friend writes. 
And we should! We should hate the sin that causes us trouble, sorrow.  Loath it. 
Run away from it.  But, we can't run away from it.  We can't remove ourselves from the sin of this world.  The sin has overcome us.  The sorrow has overcome us. BUT, (and it is the best "but" in Scripture) Jesus says, I have overcome the world.  Jesus, two thousand plus years ago, already died for each of those twenty-eight lives that ended on that cold Friday morning.  AND, Christ has overcome the grief, sorrow, pain that is left behind and fills so many.  Can we find comfort in the fact that God knows first hand the sorrow of losing a child? 

Mommy, what happens now? As I slide the snowmen, candy canes..star into the hot oven. 
We wait. 

Wait.  Why is it such a small word?

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, 
and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord 
more than the watchmen for the morning, 
more than the watchmen for the morning. 

We wait for Justice. 
But most of all, we wait for Healing. 

He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning
or crying or pain, for the old order of things
has passed away. 

The timer buzzes--
Is it ready?!?!
Not yet.  We have to let them cool. 
Then what?

Then we decorate!
Oh, I'm so excited!  Their eyes sparkle. 

The Lord is decorating a new earth and heaven for his people.  
A place where his chosen ones will, 
Build houses and dwell in them; 
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit...
They will not toil in vain 
or bear children doomed to misfortune...

Mommy, can I decorate the big star? 
I'm going to put a buuunch of sprinkles on it!  I smile. 

Daddy!!!

I dread telling him the news.  I can't help but wonder how it could have been him entering that school. 
Swat gear on.
Rifle in hand.
Ready to protect.
Seeing things no one should. 

I come undone. I can't. 
I hide at the sink.  He looks on the internet. He holds me. 

And I think of a verse a friend recently shared with the world, 
and I find comfort, 
Because God is so so near. 

You keep track of all my sorrows. 
You have collected all my tears in your bottle. 
You have recorded each one in your book. 

He is so near.